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Location: Home > Movies > Grumpy Old Men (33 WAVs Found)

gom-2fish.wav
Walter Matthau as Max Goldman ... "The Green Hornet strike again! Hahaha! Caught my limit! I see you only snagged one, huh?"
Jack Lemmon as John Gustafson ... "Two fish are on there you moron, and you know damn well that I throw back what I'm not gonna eat!"
Max ... "Oh yeah, like that 40 pound muskie you're always yakking about...It's a shame no one ever sees you with these monsters!"

Length
00:21
Filesize
226k

gom-bonehead.wav
Max ... "Why would a woman come over at 1:30 in the morning to see you?"
John ... "Just why do you think, bonehead?"

Length
00:05
Filesize
58k

gom-buttcold.wav
Burgess Meredith as Grandpa Gustafson ... "I'll tell you what's on my mind....It's butt cold out here, and I'm fresh out of beer!"

Length
00:06
Filesize
67k

gom-cardiac.wav
John ... "You hear about Eddie Hicks?"
Max ... "Hypothermia's a bitch! Not quick like a stroke!"
John ... "A stroke is no different, you could still end up like a vegetable. Give me a cardiac any day!"

Length
00:12
Filesize
126k

gom-chuck.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's slippin' her the old salami!"

Length
00:05
Filesize
51k

gom-chuck2.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's gonna put the hot dog in the bun!"

Length
00:04
Filesize
46k

gom-chuck3.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's a tomcat on the prowel!"

Length
00:06
Filesize
60k

gom-chuck4.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's taking the old log to the beaver."

Length
00:04
Filesize
41k

gom-chuck5.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's gonna bury his boner."

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-chuck6.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's taking a skin boat to Tuna Town."

Length
00:05
Filesize
51k

gom-chuck7.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like Chuck's taking a ride in the wild baloney pony."

Length
00:05
Filesize
50k

gom-clockme.wav
John ... "Fine, you wanna clock me? You think you can take me? C'mon!"

Length
00:03
Filesize
30k

gom-colder.wav
Grandpa ... "Colder than a witch's titty out there, isn't it?"

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-dumswede.wav
Max ... "Hey watch your mouth, you dumb friggin' Swede!"

Length
00:03
Filesize
29k

gom-eatshort.wav
Max ... "Eat my shorts!"

Length
00:02
Filesize
20k

gom-filtered.wav
John ... "You're supposed to be smoking filtered cigarettes, Pop!"
Grandpa ... "Yeah, well, I'm 94 years old! What the hell do I care, huh?"

Length
00:08
Filesize
82k

gom-gayorstraight.wav
Ann-Margret as Ariel Truax ... "Gay or straight?"
John ... "Huh?"
Ariel ... "Heterosexual or Homosexual?"
John ... "Geez Louise!"
Ariel ... "Well, it's a perfectly legitimate question!"
John ... "Well maybe in California, but here in Minnesota ... Who-ho-ho-ho!"

Length
00:14
Filesize
150k

gom-getinhere.wav
Grandpa ... "Hey you two! Get your asses in here!"

Length
00:03
Filesize
31k

gom-grinch.wav
Chuck ... "And how is the grinch today?"

Length
00:02
Filesize
16k

gom-holy.wav
Grandpa ... "Looks like he's gonna enter the holy of holies! Coitus Uninterruptus!"

Length
00:06
Filesize
69k

gom-laidpipe.wav
Max ... "Women and fish...you could never catch either one of them, Gustafson."
John ... "I have laid more pipe in this town than Wabasha plumbing!"

Length
00:08
Filesize
83k

gom-lovely.wav
Ariel ... "Ah, yes, there's nothing like the scent of fresh tea tree, just soaking into your pores...don't you agree?"
Max ... "Lovely!"

Length
00:11
Filesize
118k

gom-mansloco.wav
Max ... "You mean the lowlife, asswipe, eggsucker, John Gustafson?"
Buck Henry as Snyder ... "Have you seen him?"
Max ... "Man's crazy! Loco! Always hanging around round those kinky strip bars...you know, the ones where the men take their clothes off? That's of course, if he's taking his medication."
Snyder ... "Medication?"
Max ... "Yes, without it, he could be anywhere ... wandering around, talking to the trees. Believe me, this man is a menace! Always drinking, starting fights, isn't that right?
Snyder ... "But, have you seen him?"
John ... "No."
Max ... "I think perhaps, um, no no."

Length
00:42
Filesize
450k

gom-mayor.wav
John ... "Is he really going to run for mayor?"
Max ... "Make a damn fine mayor, too."
John ... "Good thing he's his mother's son. If he looked like you, he'd never get on the ballot!"

Length
00:07
Filesize
74k

gom-morefish.wav
Max ... "The green hornet's caught more fish than you've lied about, Gustafson!"

Length
00:05
Filesize
49k

gom-morning.wav
Max ... "Mornin' dickhead!"
John ... "Hello, Moron!"

Length
00:02
Filesize
21k

gom-mount.wav
Grandpa ... "You mount the woman, son, or else, send her out to me, huh?"

Length
00:07
Filesize
76k

gom-mounther.wav
John: ... "Hey, did you hear? Someone moved into the Klickner place. A woman."
Grandpa: A woman?"
John ... "Yeah."
Grandpa ... "Did you mount her?"
John ... "Ahh Dad!!"
Grandpa ... "Well, the woman, does she have big thighs?"
John ... "No."
Grandpa ... "No?! Then what's the problem? If I was a young feller like you, I'd be mounting every woman in Wabasha!"

Length
00:21
Filesize
227k

gom-offerher.wav
Daryl Hannah as Melanie ... "C'mon Dad, you're a handsome eligible guy, you've got a nice house, a good pension, you've got a lot to offer her!"
Grandpa ... "Well, I've got something to offer her! Rowrrr-rowrrr!"

Length
00:09
Filesize
94k

gom-oldpal.wav
Max ... "Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck?"
John ... "Ohhhh, couldn't rise to the occasion?"
Max ... "Yes, the spirit was willing ... "
John ... "Yeah, but the flesh was, uh ... "
Max ... "Weak! Weak!"

Length
00:11
Filesize
116k

gom-razors.wav
Max ... "Pain, he wants to talk about pain? I had a gallstone the size of a baseball!"
John ... "Oh, gallstones! Yeah, gallstones are for pussies! When I had the shingles, did you see me in here complaining to Phil about it? Huh? Did you?"
Max ... "Shingles, schmingles ... When I had my ulcers, I was ... farting razor blades!"

Length
00:20
Filesize
219k

gom-safesex.wav
John ... "See, these days, they say you have to do ... safe sex."
Ariel ... "John, when was the last time you made love?"
John ... "October 4th --- 1978."
Ariel ... "Oh, I think we're safe ... "

Length
00:20
Filesize
215k

gom-shootkid.wav
Grandpa ... "Kids ... Can't live with 'em ... Can't shoot 'em!"

Length
00:04
Filesize
41k


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